Earthy Delights
by S J Smith-Evil Little Dog
Summary: At least Ed wouldn't pee on Winry.   108 Compliant, written with the anniversary of "Don't Forget: 3 Oct. '11" in mind.  Characters include:  Trisha, the Rezembool Trio, and O.C.'s.


**Title: **Earthy Delights

**Author:** S J Smith

**Rating:** PG

**Summary: **Some things never change.

**Disclaimer:** Arakawa absolutely owns all.

**Notes:** Thanks to D. M. Evans for her edits and making this a better story. Written for the 100th year anniversary: Don't Forget, 3, Oct. 1911.

X X X

"You're filthy. How did the three of you get this bad?" Trisha shook her head at the trio in front of her. Alphonse was all but covered in mud and Edward was little better. Winry hadn't been spared any of the dirt, though her face wasn't quite as dirty as the boys'.

Ed took a step forward. "We were protectin' the castle from invaders!" His eyes gleamed through his mask of dirt.

"I hope you won," Trisha said. She reached over and tousled Ed's hair, making him grin.

"We did!" His stomach growled loudly. "An' now we're hungry!"

"And itchy," Winry pouted.

"Yeah, Mommy," Al managed to not whine, though his expression was piteous. He tried to get past her to the steps.

"Uh-uh! You're not stepping inside this house looking like that." Trisha barred the way to the porch. "You three wait outside." Going into the house, Trisha got a washtub, carrying it back out. The kids followed her around to the back of the house. "Okay, strip down," she said, waving a finger between them, "while I fill up the tub."

"Do we have to?"

Trisha pointed at her eldest, knowing how much he hated bathing.

"Mom, I'm hungry," Ed whined, but when her finger didn't waver, he reached for the hem of his shirt, pulling it off. Al still needed help while the other two kids were undressed. Ed reached into the water and splashed Winry with it. "You're dirty!"

She splashed him back. "So are you!"

At least they weren't arguing over where Winry's penis was. Trisha remembered _that_ day, all too well. "Stop splashing each other and get in the tub." They were still small enough to fit together in there, though Trisha thought she'd probably need to get them cleaned up and out before sticking Al in there. "Here," she handed Winry a sliver of soap. "Use that and wash off. Ed, you can do her back and Winry, you can do his."

He grumbled about having to bathe with Winry, but Trisha knew he wouldn't pee on Winry, like he would Al. Winry had punched him the one time he'd tried doing that to her. Al usually just cried, though Trisha was sure he'd eventually teach his brother not to be such a tease. Pinako hadn't helped at all when she'd told Al to pee back. Even diluted, urine smelled, and Trisha would just as soon the boys not wash themselves in pee water, even if it was almost impossible to keep them from urinating in their bath. It was almost as if the warm water excited their kidneys or something.

This time, the water was cool. Ed complained about that, too, splashing himself, insisting he didn't need Winry's help. She climbed out of the tub while Ed ducked his head under the water at Trisha's insistence. Winry picked up the hose Trisha had used to fill the tub before Trisha could stop her, and turned the water on Ed full force. He screeched, falling backward out of the tub.

Al's laughter didn't help. "Haha, Brother!" he shouted, pointing as Ed got to his feet, his pudgy little hands clenched into fists.

"Winry!" Trisha scolded, trying to hide the smile that threatened to break over her face. "That wasn't nice. Apologize to Ed!"

Giggling, Winry turned the hose away from Ed. He stomped around the tub, making her shriek and point the hose at him again. Catching him in the face, Winry dropped the hose and ran. Ed growled and ran after her.

Trisha sighed, grabbing Al when he started to run after his brother. "Oh, no. One of you is going to get clean! Get in the tub." She'd catch up to the other two once Al was washed.

X X X

The hotel room was a little cool, but Ed felt hot, then cold, then hot again. He couldn't believe the things Al and Winry were talking about. Maybe asking Al what he remembered that Ed didn't was a bad idea, if everything Al remembered was something bad he and Winry had done. It seemed like every mean thing they'd ever done had been to Ed.

"What did I ever do to you guys?" he whined, breaking into their discussion.

They both turned to him, only Winry's shock was more obvious. She said dryly, "You put bugs down the girls' dresses at school."

"You put worms in my bed and tried to trick me into eating a slug by saying it was candy."

Ed squirmed. "I didn't!" he protested, but he was pretty sure he remembered doing at least one of those things. Like the slug one. "Winry stuck bugs down _my_ shirt!"

"Only to stop you from doing it to the other girls," she said, giving him a sidelong look.

Yeah, he probably hadn't done the bug thing to her. She would've punched him for it. "It was all Pitt's idea!"

"Uh, huh," Al and Winry said together, with equal amounts of disbelief in their voices.

"It was!" Well, that was the way he remembered it, and Ed was going to stick by his memory. Granted, from all the things he'd forgotten, maybe it wasn't the best idea, but it was the one he was going with right now.

"You used to pee on me when we were taking baths!" Al said.

"I did not!"

Winry glared and folded her arms. "You teased me because I didn't have a penis."

Gaping at her, Ed could feel his whole body turning red. "I w-what?"

She swallowed, her eyes widening, as if she realized what she'd just said. "You heard me! A-and Granny still talks about it!" Al's snicker didn't help. Winry spun on him, glowering, her fists clenched and tight at her side. "Stop it! It isn't funny."

He held up his hands. "N-no, it isn't, Winry!" Al stammered out, but laughter bubbled through his voice. "And besides, you got him back."

"Yeah!" Ed knew she would have – Winry never let him get away with anything, ever, when they were kids. "You had to have gotten me back."

The look she gave him was withering and Ed flinched from it. "Do you even know how?"

"No, but I know you did! You would've. You were always got me back for being mean to you." And if she thought he was being too mean to Al. And the thing with the bugs and the girls at school. Ed frowned. Just how many times had Winry been the one to rein him in, anyway?

"Granny says," Winry said with a sniff and a flip of her ponytail, "boys aren't even human until after they turn twenty."

"Hey!" Al yipped out, "that's not nice!"

"No wonder I put bugs down those girls' dresses," Ed muttered.

"You squirted Ed with the hose," Al said, pointing at Winry.

"Me? You cried at everything he did until you figured out you were a better fighter." Winry shook her finger right back at Al.

Ed sighed, slumping down into his seat on the couch, shoving his hands in his pockets. He should've known better than to bring any of this up, really. "Stupid, Elric," he muttered to himself, hoping Ling might crash through the window and break up the escalating noise between Al and Winry.

X X X

"Oh, hel – heck! What have you gotten into now?"

Four faces stared up at Ed. "The mud hole in Mr. Nedobeck's pasture," Simon said, shrugging.

"Geeze, your mothers are going to kill me." Ed made a face. The kids all looked like they'd been swimming in mud. Well, Simon not quite as much; just his legs, shorts and the bottom hem of his shirt were coated, but speckles dotted his face and mud clotted his hair. Becca and Allie were almost covered the gooey yellow stuff, and Zihao, Al and Mei's son, looked like he'd been held upside down in the mud, since his feet were almost – almost! – clean. "What were you doing?"

"Zihao said mud had healing prop-properties!" Becca announced with only a little bit of a lisp. She was missing a front tooth and it made her sound funny.

"He did." Ed folded his arms, glaring hopelessly at his nephew. "But none of you are sick."

Well, that made them look at each other. Ed could almost see the wheels turning as they tried to figure out a way to answer him. "It's to keep us from getting sick!" Zihao said brightly.

Ed sighed dramatically. "But it's not going to keep someone out of the doghouse." He hoped it wouldn't be him. "Do you even know what's in that mud at Old Man Nedobeck's farm? His cows wallow there." He paused for effect. "Do you know what else they do in that mud?"

Allie started to put her finger in her mouth, the way she did when she was thinking. Ed caught her hand before she did, repressing a shudder. "Do you?" he prodded.

"Wallow?" Simon asked.

"Lie there?" Becca offered.

"Poop?" Zihao grinned.

"And pee!" Ed said sharply.

"I've got cow poop on me?" Becca shrieked, shaking her hands and dancing.

Simon gloated. "All over you," he said. "Ha!"

"It was your idea to get in the mud!" she snapped, rounding on him.

"It was your idea to roll around in it," he shrugged.

Allie just smiled while Zihao frowned. "The poop won't hurt the mud any."

"Ew!" Becca squealed, running for the house.

Ed caught her before she got two steps. "Ah, ah. You're not washing that off in the house. You can use the hose in the back." He pointed with his free hand. "All of you, get back there and get cleaned off. I'll bring out soap and towels. Zihao, no peeing on the girls or Simon. Go on, get moving!" he snapped when they hesitated.

Heading into the house to collect the soap and towels, Ed wondered for a few seconds why this seemed familiar, then shrugged. Making the kids wash and hang out clothes for the rest of the afternoon would cure them of wanting to play in the cow's wallowing hole for a while, he was pretty sure. The shrieks outside urged him to hurry. If the kids didn't get cleaned up before Winry and Mei came back from their shopping trip, he'd be the one to blame for not keeping a closer eye on them.

Hesitating on the stairs, Ed realized a little grin was playing about his face. An image had flashed in his mind, Winry standing on the bank of the river, mud dappling her bare skin, that warm, sexy grin she shared just with him on her face.

Not that he'd share that image with the kids. Nope. Winry, on the other hand, was getting an earful when she got home, and maybe Al and Mei could watch the kids later tonight.

Whistling, he ran up the stairs to get the towels and soap, Ed thought maybe playing in the mud wasn't such a bad idea, after all.

X X X


End file.
